I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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