you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
