It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
