If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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