I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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