Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This toilet bowl is my home.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
