He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
