woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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