I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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