At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
