I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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