I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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