Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
