so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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