12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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