I am puke
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
