I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize