just tell him i said nine months
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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