see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
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he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
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A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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