woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
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He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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