Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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