Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
