I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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