Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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