so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
