i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
