I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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