So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
