I skipped work to stalk him.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize