I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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