can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
