Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
