and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
