Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
