you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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