saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize