hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Found the puke drawer
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
