If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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