dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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