I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This baby is an asshole
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
