I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
vagina is talking i cant
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
