i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
