apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
