drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
