I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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