the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
