Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
