my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
