You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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