if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
