I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
