I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
