Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
