Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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