she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
