I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
