where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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