my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize