Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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