One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How does one acquire holy water?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
